So You Want to Fight a Classical Hero?


Classical Heroes were the ideal figure in the ancient world. Think Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger plus pre-1970’s Elvis. These men (and they were mostly men) had to be of noble birth, either royally or divinely, as only elites were considered smart enough to understand the concepts of courage and honor. Heavy emphasis on the honor part. Classical Heroes lived and died by their quest for honor, and honor was usually calculated via body count. That’s right; Classical Heroes had no moral qualms over killings dudes, or even family members. Hercules himself killed his entire family in a fit of rage before completing his famed twelve labors. So basically, you’re screwed.


  •  Lineage was very important to the Classical Hero. If you can pull an Obama-Birth Certificate scandal on a Classical Hero, then he may just kill himself in order to preserve his honor. Problem solved.
  • These guys are very emotionally fragile. Weird right? But even the legendary Greek hero Achilles was described as “sulking” (a.k.a. crying) after his woman was taken from him during the Trojan War. So call him fat and see what happens.
  • Classical Heroes all strived for as epic a death as possible. If you can convince them that jumping off a bridge while downing three bottles of Jack at the same time will be more remembered than killing your ass, then your home free

Tips: Classical Heroes were born before the age of the crotch protector. Aim for that.

Warnings: Classical Heroes have not mercy. The aforementioned Achilles dragged the body of the Trojan Prince Hector around the city of Troy in front of his family. That’s pretty messed up.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s