So You Want to Fight A Mortarboard?


Description: A mortarboard is a square academic cap that is customarily worn during a student’s graduation. It is affixed to a person’s head via a skull-cap. Which sounds pretty Metal when you think about it. It also has somewhat sharp corners, making it a somewhat difficult opponent.

Ultimate Weapon: Sharp Corners


  • Find peace in the fact that Mortarboards are only worn for a few hours
  • Seriously, people pay over $100 for a hat they will only wear once
  • That’s pretty stupid

Best Weapon Against It: Literally every Other Day in Existence

Tips: Skip formal Graduation and spend the day Drinking with Girls/Boys

Warming: Watch out for those Tassels. They’re hypnotic.


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